Weight

My Scale

I have lost 6 pounds in the last two weeks which is shocking to say the least. All I have done is start keeping track of what I eat and walking with a few other little exercises. I weigh myself every Friday which is supposed to be the day we weigh the least according to some article I read lol. I just started doing it on Friday because I started my food journal on a Friday because I was feeling particularly yucky and said "This has got to stop." I know most people start a diet on a Monday but, I just have to be different what can I say lol.I have started walking around the block .66 miles to be exact then I also have been doing at lest 30 minutes on my elliptical when I can. I also have done my Wall Sit challenge daily this month. I am trying to tone up my thighs I hate how they look and I want them to look good by at least next summer so, they are a focus of mine.

Anyways I am really happy about losing weight again I am hoping to lose at least 20 pounds before I have to have surgery to remove my tumor which I am hoping to do this May. I really need to get this thing gone it is so painful I just want to cry some days.I have a pedunculated fibroid on the outside of my uterus that goes from the side up and over my fallopian tube on my right side to the top of my uterus. You can see that in the picture to the right sort of. It is the same size as my son was at 7 months in my pregnancy which is quite large it estimated weight is about 20-30 pounds. This tumor makes me look like I am still pregnant and it really upsets me. The tumor is the reason my son and I almost died when I was giving birth and it is why I may never be able to have another child. If I get it removed it won't guarantee that I will ever have another child but, it will make the likelihood of that event a bit larger. Not to mention the pain will be gone from it plus it should fix some of the other problems I have been having with my hormones since it secretes hormones randomly into my system because of its size is what I was told.

In the end I am just trying to make myself healthier so, that my son hopefully has many years to spend with his Mama.

Lent

I am participating in Lent this year which means I am giving something up that seems to be taking up my time and removing my focus from God or in my case my family. This is a time to not only focus more of my attention on my God but, also on my family. I have not practiced lent since I was very small and I already messed up today by forgetting to Fast. However, considering my sugar still going low randomly I think I fall into the "Not safe" section. That just means I guess I will be dieting and eating very humble meals for the next 40 days so I can get my feast on for Easter weekend! =) I am really hoping that by the end of this Easter season I will have a better insight into myself and my family. I will admit it has been incredibly hard to not check my facebook randomly throughout the day but, I am hoping that it will get easier as times goes by and that I learn something about myself through my sacrifice of food and Facebook.

Food Journal...

 I am writing this while I finish off a bowl of coco roos just thought everyone should know that lol. 

Anyway to my point I have started up my food journal again. I actually started a new one because I forgot the password on my old one but that is beside the point. I want to lose weight and get back into shape and I don't mean round. I have this beautiful son who needs his mom to be able to run and play with him because he doesn't have a dad to do that. I know so many people hate doing a food journal or counting calories but, really with some of the apps they have out there these days it is so easy. I have tried Fooducate and MyFitnessPal I like both quite a lot. I just really enjoy myfitnesspal better and I think that is because it links to my workout app MapMyFitness. I still use fooducate though but, not for the actual journal I use it to look up foods to see how good they are for me since they do rate the food that they have in their database. Both of these food journals are able to scan a barcode and tell you the food and both will ask you to input information if the bar-code isn't in their system. If you don't feel like putting in all that information you can just do a search for the food and look through what has already been put in the database and see which entry matches what you have. It does all the math for me for my workouts (Calories burned) and how many calories I take in. MyFitnessPal tells me how much weight I will lose in 5 weeks at the end of each day when I complete my diary which I like too. I don't care if I actually do lose that amount but, it is nice to see that I am on the right track with what I am doing.

Junk Food...

I have been eating junk food for months now and my stomach is just mad. I feel sick all the time and my body is actually craving vegetables. I have been drinking way too much soda and eating too many sweets. I swear my body is revolting against this diet of junk and I have been sick and in pain for the last week or so.Which is why starting March 1st my whole family is going to start eating better. I am going to make a meal plan for us all to follow and then buy those foods for the month. I figure it is time for my whole family to start eating better because we have been eating like crap.

Clarity

I have been really mad at someone for a long time. I just didn't realize it until the other day. This person has spent the last three years of their life making people believe they are this kind, caring, loving individual in public. However, when it has come to me in private they have been hateful. I just kept getting more and more angry with them until the other day when I read a blog from someone else who stated everything they were feeling and somewhere in my reading it hit me that is why I am mad. Hell it made me realize that I was mad and about what I was mad about. This person when I lost 200 pounds congratulated me in public but, in private questioned me in a way that made it quite clear they were calling me a liar.This happened in other situations as well but, the one that stung me the most was when I lost 200 pounds that was a great accomplishment for me. I was proud of myself for coming that far I still had more weight to lose but, considering how far I had come I felt great until this person for months questioned/ attacked me over my weight loss. I actually didn't even realize it until the other day but, I stopped working out and eating really well because of this person treating me like they did. My subconscious just kept telling me "It doesn't matter how hard you work no one will believe you." This person made me stop wanting to do things I loved because of their own insecurities with them self. I know I worked my ass off to hit that 200 pounds lost mark and I am going to get down to my goal because I don't have to prove myself to any of you I only have to answer to me at the end of the day.
If you ever have someone in your life holding you back from what you love and what you want I hope you will remember these words. "I only have to answer to myself at the end of the day." It's the truth at the end of the day you answer to you. "Was I a good mom?" "Did I make the right choice?" if you answer yes awesome if you answer no you say I am going to change this and do better. You only have to answer to yourself because you have to live in your body and your head don't let someone else hold you back with their insecurities or hate let them fight their demons while you make yourself the best person you can be. That is how I am moving forward from here. I have to live here they don't so they have no say.