Pinterest....

I absolutely love this site. I have found so many recipes that sounds super yummy and the natural cleaning recipes are awesome that I have tried. However, those are not the things I am going to talk about tonight or this morning rather. I was asleep but, finding a hanger digging into my side woke me up and not in the happiest of moods lol. Anyways on pinterest they have a fitness section which is for the most part very informative. I have found LOADS of workouts that I like doing that are really easy even for beginners no weights etc. I have also found some of my favorite foods made healthy. Like Baked Buffalo Chicken OMG so freaking yummy. Also if any of you know me you know my love of things like Buffalo Chicken it is bordering on an addiction 'a wonderfully savory and spicy melt in your mouth with an ice cold beer to wash it down' addiction. Anyways I have also found other recipes that I really like made healthier which really does help me with my journey being able to eat what I love but, in a better way. Looking through the exercises on their also helps me to keep motivated in my journey because well I get bored like everyone else. I have barely worked out in months because of being sick and trying to start back at where I was before getting sick yeah not working out for me so well.  So, finding easier things to do that look fun helps get me back to where I was and also helps to keep me motivated to hit my goal.

So, check out pinterest if you are looking for new ideas for your health. It helps and if you don't find anything there look at people's funnies boards cause Laughter is and always will be the best medicine and it burns a TON of calories =)

Work out

To prove you should like worse after a good workout.

Last night was my first real workout since before I got sick. It was hard for me to get into it but, once it was over and done with I felt more like myself well a tired sweaty gross version of myself but, myself none the less. I have worked very hard to make working out a part of my day to day life. It means more to me than what most people think it does. No, it isn't an obsession like some I just feel like it is more my time for me. I get very little me time when school is in session and I am at work because I have a crazy schedule so, my workouts are my only me time. I take it as a treat for myself much like I will be treating myself to some Del Taco and Coffee today and possibly an apple fritter. Side note I have been craving an apple fritter for over two weeks and I think I deserve one after what I just endured. Can you tell I am slightly hungry as I am writing this lol. Anyways back to last nights work out. It was a 30 minute workout by tone it up. I did the 30 minute tone up work out here. It was an 8 min cardio warm up 5 toning moves followed by 2 mins of cardio then you repeat the 5 moves and 2 mins of cardio 2 more times for a total of 3 making it 30 mins then I did a warm down stretch for maybe a min or two just to make sure I didn't get all tight after the run on the elliptical. Considering we don't run our air and it was 90 degrees in the house and over 100 degrees outside I was happy to get through the workout at all lol. I think my major slim down will happen come fall as always since I am more likely to kick butt at my workouts when I am not dying from the heat.

I am sure you noticed that not so awesome before and after picture of me in the after I will say I was tired and I got in the shower very quickly after that because OMG I was not smelling that great. You also get to see my lovely glasses that I don't always wear when I workout but I did last night because I was having trouble seeing the moves on the Youtube video with my lap top on the bed. I took the picture and posted it here to show that yes you are supposed to sweat and smell and be all sorts of nasty after a workout and guess what it is a-okay that is what they make showers for.

So, get out there get sweaty and have fun with your "me" time. I know I do =)

Video

 

I have never done a video but, after watching my friends weight loss video today I decided to put one together. I hope you like it or find it inspiring. I was shocked while looking through pictures of myself from just three years ago. I really just hope that this shows that yes it can be done but, it takes hard work and perseverance. =)

Walking in my shoes

Don't ever let someones judgment of you tear you apart.

I have been told I don't know how many times that I am a strong person.  I don't say I am or I am not I am just me. I have been given a life that I have had to fight for everything I have. That being said I don't know how to lay down and not fight for myself or those I love. Which is why I am going to tell this story.

I fell in-love when I was 10 years old and continued to fall in-love with the same wonderful man for the next 10 years knowing I would never be anything more than his friend. This lead me to move on and marry my now ex-husband. I can say it now that I have come to terms with why I married my ex and why I wasn't very fair to him. I married my ex because it is what everyone expected of me at the time and I was never truly in-love with him I barely even liked him. I tried my best to be a good wife and according to him and everyone in our lives for the 5 years we were married I did my duty. That is where I was not fair to him I went through the motions without the emotions because I truthfully couldn't have those emotions for him because I gave my heart away completely to my friend and my ex was everything that he is not in the worst way.

Now that I have admitted to what I failed at in our marriage I am going to discuss what I ended up fighting for throughout our marriage.

My Ex-husband was an abusive jerk. When we first got together it was little things that me at 22 didn't realize to be the precursors of the abuse I would one day suffer through. The abuse started out with little things like telling me I needed to eat more because I wasn't eating enough. Seems nice right? Well not when you look at the whole picture I would order 1 bean burrito when we would go to Taco Bell he would have me get two then when I didn't eat the other one or I didn't finish it he would shame me to the point that I would finish off the 2nd burrito. The way he would shame me mostly came down to me being wasteful and not being respectful of him by wasting his money like that. I began eating more and more because of this and because of that I began gaining weight.

Once I started to gain weight the next small thing of abuse started where he would say things that made me feel ugly and fat. They seems like compliments but, with his way of saying them made me feel ashamed of my size. I can't even remember the somewhat nice things he used to say at this time since it has been 8 years but they were along the lines of "Wow someone is getting bigger... but that just means there is more of you to love; and you will always be mine" Later on this would become "You are so fat no one will ever want you but me."

This all happened before our wedding in October of 2004 we would move to TN in November of 2005 which would be the beginning of the end for our mildly verbally abusive marriage. We moved to Nashville, TN from Southern California almost 2,000 miles from anything I would call familiar or family. The only person I had was him and that is pretty much what he was banking on. Our first year in TN we lived close to some people that I knew and it wasn't too bad until my ex began to cut them out of our lives and burn those bridges down. That is when we moved to Chattanooga, TN where I had 1 friend and they were only my friend because of my ex knowing her husband. He soon decided that they were not worthy of our friendship and cut me off from them as well. That is when the non-verbal abuse started.With a smack here and a push there nothing too big and no bruises. Until about a year later.

When the real physical abuse started is when I found out that I was pregnant. I don't know why I didn't see the abuse I was suffering through until the doctor turned to me and said you are Pregnant but, I did. At that moment I decided I had to leave him and move back home to California. I called him to tell him not to bother coming home until after I had left because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't be his wife etc. I never told him I was pregnant mind you because I had never planned on letting him know that tiny fact about me because I didn't want him near my child. Needless to say while I was cleaning (yes, I cleaned the house to the point it sparkled and smelled of bleach) and packing my things he came home early from his trip and earlier than the time I had told him I would need to get my things together and leave my job with enough time to replace me. He was furious and started out yelling at me I didn't have the energy to yell and just told him I was done and I was leaving and went to finish gathering my things. He grabbed my arm and yanked me back and it went down hill from there I ended up miscarrying my baby within the next 24 hours from the beating I had received. He took my keys away from me and began to drive me to and from work. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him or any of his approved people. I became a prisoner and it was just as much my fault because I couldn't help but, blame myself for the death of my baby. I lived like this for about 2 years until he decided that he was done and wanted to move on. Mostly because during that time I almost died. I was hospitalized because of my gallbladder causing me to have sepsis;that is another story though. He stuck around until October of 2009 when I came back home for a 3 week vacation because my Aunt was getting married and my Grandfather was being treated for leukemia.

I came home at the end of October as planned just for him to tell me that he didn't want to be married any longer. I had been in the air and traveling for a day and then he had decided not to go straight home but, to a bar until closing before telling me this at almost 3am. I got pissed and started crying and yelling and next thing I knew he had me being admitted to the looney bin. I had to spend 72 hours there where they drugged me to the point I really don't remember much. I slept a lot after my stay but, the day after I came home I told him we were separating and I was going home to live with my parents for the 6 months he agreed. Our divorce finalized a year later and I have been free ever since.

You might be asking yourself "why did she tell me all of this?" The reason I shared this isn't to have someone say "Aww poor you". I don't want pity or sympathy I made my choices and I have to live with them and learn from them which I have. My life is better for having lived through this because it showed me what my lowest point looks like. I dug myself out of that hole of depression and self loathing because I was 380 pounds and my husband left me for another woman after beating me and shaming me to the point that I was barely alive. I fought to make myself get out of bed everyday and move on. Did I want to get up and work out? No, I didn't when all of this happened I just wanted to lay in bed like a lump and die but, remember from the beginning of this very long entry that friend I fell in-love with well he is the voice I had running through my head every morning telling me don't be a lump move. So, I did everyday I got up I worked out and I ate better I started feeling myself come back to life. I started becoming me again which is all I ever needed to be.

Pretty much what I am saying is I was broken to the point that I felt the only option I had was dying and some how I was able to see another way. Yes, at first it was hard every day was hard I was fighting my ex-husbands abusive words that  rang through my head and told me I was worthless and would never make it but, I had the words of that friend (who yes is still apart of my life 20yrs later) telling me I was worth it and I could do it. I want to be that person for others and that is why I will always be here for those who want me to be with a kind word or a swift kick in the butt telling you to keep moving. I will not give up on you because I am lucky enough to have people in my life who won't give up on me.

My journey started out as just a way to save my life because I was killing myself on the road my ex had sent me down. Then my journey became about remembering who I was and now it is just about becoming who I want to be. It takes strength to make that first step in the direction that you want to go but, after that first step you just have to let your feet follow each other and keep traveling down that road. I  will travel that road with you pushing you forward or holding your hand traveling beside you whatever you need at the time. =)

July = New work out

Yeah I am a day late but, I am starting a new work out for July. It is of my own too well sort of I am going to borrow from Toneitup.com and use their calender as a sort of guideline but, I will be adding in my own stuff as well. I am really just wanting to spend this time while I am laid off from work focusing on my classes and on my health. Like I have stated before I was put on a new diet. Well the new diet is because they checked my thyroid and while it is still within the normal ranges it is a bit on the low side in order to fix this so, I don't end up with a messed up thyroid I am doing a complete overhaul of my diet.

The diet that the doctor has given me has a lot of restrictions that my whole family seems to think is no big deal since it is the diet they are on and don't follow. However, I am going to follow it. My life depends on it and unlike the rest of them I refuse to throw away the life I have been given because I don't like change. Anyways the restrictions are...

1. Gluten I am supposed to cut down/ cut out gluten
2. Refined flour aka white flour cut it out
3. Refined Sugar cut it out but I can have raw sugar and natural sugar subs
4. White rice cut it out It's cool I like brown
5. More Iodine and Selenium
6. More protein but, less meat
7. more Fiber but, less gluten flours
8. Avoid soy
9. Less Milk =( I can still have cheese and yogurt but less 
10. Low Glycemic less sugar basically diebeticish.

There is more I am sure but, most of it I do already. You know eat more veggies eat more fruits eat less fat etc. etc. etc.

The whole giving up gluten and watching my sugar and trying to figure out how to get more of the certain minerals into my diet without having to eat stuff I don't like is a slight challenge but, I am rising to it. Which is why this month is a month of new for me. I figure since I am having to research a way in which to still eat how I like but, in a way healthier manner  I will be able to help others with their food options. I am also taking all of my knowledge of exercise and building a workout that will help me shed the last 40lbs and tone all the areas I want to tone. I am determined that by this time next year I will be wearing a bikini.

So, take July and make it scream for it's mommy I know I am =)

Progress Over Perfection

From left to right Clothing sizes and Weight:

Top: 3XL Mens
Bottom: 28 in women's
Weight: 360lbs

Top: 1XL Women's
Bottoms: 18 Women's
Weight: 290lbs

Top: L Women's XXXL Juniors
Bottom:14/16 Women's 15/17 Juniors
Weight: 240lbs

Top: L Women's XXL Juniors
Bottom: between 12/14 in Women's 13/15 Juniors
Weight: 180lbs

My friend has been bugging me to do a new before and after and it made me decide to do this one pictured here. If you hadn't noticed my tops haven't changed much and that is if you hadn't noticed my chest size hasn't changed much throughout the past three years. I have gained muscle along with losing fat and am healthier today than I have been in years and years. I know I still have a ways to go to get to where I want to be but, I am proud to say I have come this far.

Feed me Seymour

Just cause I feel like Audrey II when I want to eat everything

Hunger was my biggest struggle when I first started on this journey and it still is some days. I don't like to feel hungry. I don't think anyone enjoys that to be honest but, sometimes it just happens. Today was one of those days for me and I did not eat as well as I should but, oh well if you read the post before this I have been sick which means no eating really so, I am good lol. Anyway when these days normally hit me I do something crazy and I eat as much food as it takes to fill me up with as much water as I can take in

Yes, you just read that right I give into temptation and eat like the fat kid I am but, unlike a fat kid I don't gorge myself on cake. I pick healthy choices like carrots, apples, celery, salad, etc. That really makes the difference. I typically still stay within my daily calorie intake and all of my other goals for the day. I also drink at least 2 glasses of water before I will fix myself a meal just to make sure I am not overly thirsty.

At the end of my "Feed me" days I normally don't feel very good because I have consumed so, much food but, I am not longer hungry which makes me happy. I also don't beat myself up over them because I do tend to make sure and eat healthy foods on my binge like eating kicks. I also understand that my body does this because it is needing something that it hasn't been getting so, I try and figure out what I have been lacking. I also as a woman look at what time of the month it is because believe me that does play a role in everything you do.

In the end on a "Feed me" day all you can do is try and make the best choices possible and try to not make a habit out of them. Figure out what your body is lacking that is making you feel so ravenous and fix the problem. =)

Surfing

Growing up in Southern California with a Dad who surfed and an awesome big brother who surfed means I wanted to surf too. I remember begging them to teach me one day when we were at the beach with a group from church. All the men were surfing and finally after what seemed like forever my brother gave in and talked my Dad into letting him show me how to surf. I will never forget the absolute elation I had when I caught my first solo wave. I fell off the board cause I jumped and my Dad and brother bent in half laughing and my Bro said "Kris! Yeah don't do that." LOL

I got sunburned and my eyes were red from the salt water but, I just kept going out as much as they would let me. I was in love. I mean sure I had always been in love with water and the ocean but, surfing made that love jump from a hundred to a million in about a millisecond. Which meant trouble for my big bro cause whenever we went to the beach as a family if he was surfing he had to share his board with me of course I was an awesome little sister and I would only surf as much as he would let me which was never enough for me and thank God I have always been small in stature because I was able to sort of surf on a boogie board.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss those summer and sometimes winter days of me and my brother surfing together. I haven't surfed in years and years but, I am still in-love with it and the ocean. I am always at my happiest when I am at the beach and you will always hear me say "You have to get your feet into the water or the trip doesn't count." The smell of the ocean puts my soul at peace. The ocean is my one true love and will always be the place that I go to center myself.

I am sure you are all wondering what this entry has to do with fitness? I am getting to that just sit back and enjoy the ride today =).

When I surfed I had awesome tight curves to my body I was fit and fabulous; I just didn't know it. The movements that you have to do strengthen your core. Doing duck dives* strengthens your arms. Maneuvering the board strengthens your legs. Put all of that together and you are going to be one toned person. I mean it takes your whole body to surf like ya mean it and if you are out of shape it will wear you out in no time.


I personally haven't tried to surf in forever and as I say all the time motivation is what keeps me moving forward. Well my newest motivation clothing piece is a bikini. However, my big picture motivation is to surf again. I watched Step Into Liquid tonight and it reminded me of how much I loved surfing. Not that I really needed a reminder since my whole life revolved around when can we get to the beach and surf for a long time. The only reason I stopped really was because my knee had gotten really bad and my Bro bailed for his own reasons.

Wait what about your knee? Yeah, I have a knee that is so tore up I have had doctors wonder how I am able to walk without being doped up on pain meds at all times. Well I have no answer for them except to say I push through the pain and when it gets to be too much I heat and ice it plus rest. I don't like to put chemicals in my body if I can help it because I have so many chemical allergies 2 of which are to common pain medications.

Also yes on my wretched knee I work out like a mad woman. At least 30 minutes on the elliptical or my bicycle then I do toning exercises including but, not limited to squats. Yes, I put my body through the wringer some days causing my knee to hate me but, I let it heal and we go again. I am no quitter =)

If you are wondering why I posted pictures of The Endless Summer I & II it is because they are two of my all time favorite movies. My Bro and I would watch them during the winter when it got too cold to surf and he would always tell me he was going to do their trips. That was his dream. One of my many dreams is to touch my toes into the ocean from as many beaches and countries as possible before my death. However, that is not the only reason I posted them along with Step Into Liquid I posted them because they also remind me of the rush that only surfing can bring me. These are the movies that motivate me to want to get into the shape where I can actually surf again. That is my biggest goal and biggest challenge yet. I want to be the best me ever and that means I need to make sure and bring back the things I love the most.

Surfing is my motivation. Surfing is my Bliss. Surfing is why I will reach my goal.

*Duck Dive holding onto your board and diving under a wave like a duck.

Weight Loss Tips: Motivation

Tonight I have decided to talk about motivation. We all have different reasons why we want to lose weight but, what keeps us going when it gets hard is where motivation comes into play. For me when I first started losing weight I hung a shirt on the back of my door that I really wanted to fit into. This shirt was an Mens XL Pepsi shirt. It took me about 4 months to fit into the shirt.I still remember how I felt the day I fit into my first goal shirt I was ecstatic I jumped up and down and knew I could finish the race at that point because I had already come so far. You see when I tried on the shirt for the first time I couldn't even pull it down over my belly. I was embarrassed to see myself in it when I first tried it on and I was determined to fit into it. Every day I had to look at that shirt hanging on the back of my door and it made me think about how I wanted to fit into it and how I wanted to be healthier. That is what motivated me to keep going on the days where all I really wanted to do was sit around and be lazy. However, having that shirt staring at me from the back of my door made me work out every night. Which as I said before paid off within 4 months I was wearing my Pepsi shirt. I was even happier the day my Pepsi shirt became so, big on me that it became a sleep shirt.

I still do this with shirts and most recently a pair of pants. My hook fell off of my door so, I can't hang them there right now but, I still have them in my closet. The shirt is a Juniors XL and the pants are a Juniors 13. I can almost button the pants and the shirt fits just a little too tight for my liking. Which tells me I am getting that much closer to where I want to be.

Another thing I do to motivate myself is to post workouts that I am doing on my wall across from my bed so, I have to look at them. It makes me go "Damn it I have to work out still" on the days where I come home and just want to curl up in bed and die for the night. Now that is not to say that I hate working out because I don't I actually enjoy all of my workouts which I switch up quite often to keep me interested in them. I have some very favorite workouts that I will be talking about later on so, for now I am just going to keep it to how I motivate myself. With having to look at workouts that I love and those that I want to check out it makes me remember "No, Pain No, Gain" so, I get my lazy butt up and out of the bed and do my workout. I make sure to do my workout everyday some days I do longer workouts than other nights but, for the most part I do a 30 minute workout. Which without my little motivational helpers I might not do.

My last motivational tool that is by far the best is my friends. I have some AWESOME friends let me repeat that I have some AWESOME friends! My friends will ask me if I have worked out at some point through out the day. Also if I ever say I don't want to work out they will say who cares do it! Remember you wanna be a hottie! They are all happy with who I am right now but, they all know that I want to get to my healthy weight and be the girl who lived the life she wanted to. They are my best weight loss tool. Which is why I am always the biggest motivator for everyone else in my life in the same situation as me. I will and do use tough love quite often and my awesome people have been known to use it on me as well. Sometimes it is the kick in the ass that I really do need and we all need.

Motivation is what will keep you going when things get hard and believe me things will get hard at some point. Find your motivation and push yourself as hard as you can to be the you that you want to be. I will be here for you as much as I can =)